For Women not Pre-adolescent girls, thankyouverymuch

Today, on the way to work and the friends house, we were running late per our usual routine lately. As we are driving down a busy boulevard, Little Miss is playing with breakfast in my purse and says, “eew, Little Man, look at this.” It was an apple, banana, orange. I saw red. I yanked her hair, it’s all I could reach whilst driving and was very, very angry. She actually tried to rearrange the fruit and say she meant Roy as in Roy G. Biv. Red (apple), orange (self explanatory), yellow (banana). Not bad for an off the top cover. But in my Nancy Drew like sleuthing noticed that her original arrangement was red, yellow, orange—not quite right and she was moving the fruit around as she explained.

To be honest when I or you indulge in this middle-school adolescent boy behavior it is nothing but guffaws and laughter. Ha Ha. But when my 11 year old daughter does it—well it’s time for the nitroglycerin. I have to admit even though she has been testing me and exploring lately, this really got to me. I may have said one or two things that now make me cringe because they could have came straight from dad’s mouth twentysomethingodd years ago. It went like, “if this is what you are doing at 11, what will you be doing at 13?fucking everyone who comes along, 15? Knocked up?” Yeah, ugly cringeworthy mom. Not breaking the train of pain today, am I?

So, is this normal prepubescent girl behavior? Do I need to worry about the less than virginal hereditary that the women in my bloodline carry? What do I do? We have already had a very long, embarrassing talk. I promised to answer honestly any questions she had—BIG mistake.huge. (name that movie) Maybe it was TMI—I don’t know, we are entering unchartered waters here.

Also, lately we argue and fight all the time. All I want to do is love that girl. She makes it impossible with her mood swings and attitude. Wait. Maybe that’s me. Nope. It is both.of.us.

I really need to go call my mom and apologize now for everything from 9 (early bloomer) on. Up to and including today.

4 weeks and counting

It has been four weeks today, since Big B moved out. A lot of things have happened in these last few weeks. Some good, some not so good, and some just plain ugly.

Honestly, this has been way harder than I imagined and I did imagine it would not be easy. On so many levels. Emotionally, physically, parenting, work, home, etc.

Today, I am ready to through in the towel. Ready to beg Big B to come home. Ready to go crawling on my knees. Thanks to a quick talk with my bf, I am going to breathe and wait.

The childrendo. not. listen. Really I am so sick of it, I want to move out. Seriously. Let Big B have them and the sinkfull of dirty dishes, the weeds that are taller than the dogs, the laundry, all of it.

Big B only texts still, he won't talk to me. at. all. Annoying as all get out.

This weekend he took the kids from Sat. 10 AM til Sun. 2 PM. The longest he has had them and the longest I have been alone since mid-January. They went to St. George. I went to bed. The entire time. UnF***ing believable. I feel like all I do is sleep, sleep, and sleep.

Also, I feel bad for how he is living. In a weekly. It's pretty Motel 6. He doesn't have a car and makes tales of the bus very scary.

I think part of the problem is that the kids and I are not taking full advantage of our freedom. Maybe, we need to get out of the house more. I am not sure what the answer is but I need to find one soon. This is taking so much out of me, it's not even funny.

Now my kids are imitating Big B and trying to gain control by refusing to speak to me. Just like he always does. How much do I have to suffer emotionally?

Hi.Just a quick note.I have been way to busy, err umm, at work to "goof off" and write a "real" post. I'll be back soon. I promise. I have a light week on Mon.

So, remeber how I said I was lonely? It's near 11 pm and I am having a panic attack. There's no one to call or turn to at this late hour. How do I handle this?

I wish I were a bag of bones and not a barrel of fat.

Today @ ur neighborhood Sonic Drive-In. One FREE Value Menu Item 6pm-9pm only. Mention this txt when ordering. Frwd 2 ur friends. This is LEGIT 3/19/2010.