Friday, March 19, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Hating......
Hating.....I am so angry I feel like I can honestly say for the very first time in my life I Hate someone.
She is so mean to her precious kids. She has no contol over her temper some days. Yelling, screaming, doling out chores and punishment. Those kids deserve a loving, kind mom. One who will cuddle them and speak to them not screech at them like a banshee. How I long to just grab their little bodies up and hold them next to my warm heart and explain how wrong she is.
She is so obese it is disgusting. Her fat pools around her body in all the typical "fat girl" places. She jiggles just by breathing deeply. I find her so repulsive physically. Let's not mention all the freckles and ill-fitting clothes.
She has lots of your typical obese laden ailments as well; degenterative disc disease (cervical & lumbar), fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis,sleep apnea, sinus, asthma, immune system, just to name a few. There's not a day goes by that I don't hear about her pain or an ouch,moan,etc.
She has little or no true friends. I am sick of her whining about it. Frankly, I don't see how anyone could ever love her. Not even me. Familial blood be damned.
So, I say to myself today--"get away from the damned mirror before you damage me anymore with all the faults you're pointing out to the world!"
She is so mean to her precious kids. She has no contol over her temper some days. Yelling, screaming, doling out chores and punishment. Those kids deserve a loving, kind mom. One who will cuddle them and speak to them not screech at them like a banshee. How I long to just grab their little bodies up and hold them next to my warm heart and explain how wrong she is.
She is so obese it is disgusting. Her fat pools around her body in all the typical "fat girl" places. She jiggles just by breathing deeply. I find her so repulsive physically. Let's not mention all the freckles and ill-fitting clothes.
She has lots of your typical obese laden ailments as well; degenterative disc disease (cervical & lumbar), fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis,sleep apnea, sinus, asthma, immune system, just to name a few. There's not a day goes by that I don't hear about her pain or an ouch,moan,etc.
She has little or no true friends. I am sick of her whining about it. Frankly, I don't see how anyone could ever love her. Not even me. Familial blood be damned.
So, I say to myself today--"get away from the damned mirror before you damage me anymore with all the faults you're pointing out to the world!"
Common Stressors
Recently I mentioned stress so I thought I would let you in on some of my stressors.
Work--Lately, it seems that the only time people see me is to complain. Not only that a lot of the complaints really need to go to the folks above (or higher) than me. ***I work in a school as support staff--the real boss is the administrators***
When I refer the complainers, they just drop it, so I must be some type of sounding board which is fine but some days it gets really old--y'know?
Also, I have been asked to not have my kids at school after school. This really bites because A) It is a school-- a place for kids B) Lots of others have kids with them and they are not necessarily their own C) I am supposed to be the principal's right hand but I feel very picked on by this decision D) It is now a financial issue I did not have in the past.
The kids. The kids have not been listening as well since Big B left. It is very frustrating and every one has an opinion on my parenting or lack of. If I vent, I am advised, and sometimes I just want to let it out--y'know?
$$$ or lack thereof.
Vacation plans, and more unfortunately, I am out of time and gotta run.
Work--Lately, it seems that the only time people see me is to complain. Not only that a lot of the complaints really need to go to the folks above (or higher) than me. ***I work in a school as support staff--the real boss is the administrators***
When I refer the complainers, they just drop it, so I must be some type of sounding board which is fine but some days it gets really old--y'know?
Also, I have been asked to not have my kids at school after school. This really bites because A) It is a school-- a place for kids B) Lots of others have kids with them and they are not necessarily their own C) I am supposed to be the principal's right hand but I feel very picked on by this decision D) It is now a financial issue I did not have in the past.
The kids. The kids have not been listening as well since Big B left. It is very frustrating and every one has an opinion on my parenting or lack of. If I vent, I am advised, and sometimes I just want to let it out--y'know?
$$$ or lack thereof.
Vacation plans, and more unfortunately, I am out of time and gotta run.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Catching Up
It has been about 2 weeks since Big B moved out. So far, I am not able to get to the blogging as often as I wish I could. I really need to make a greater effort to record these days.
The first weekend, Little Miss was Little Miss Attitude. She is getting better, but she still has a lot of anger in there. Luckily, her friend and school counselor has had a few chats with her to giver her a new perspective. Mr. Man is finding his own dash of attitude these days.
I have to ask them repeatedly to do simple things. It has gotten so out of hand, I am sick of hearing myself speak. It is unbelievable.
Last night we discussed consequences. I am going to type up check lists, chore charts, and a list of consequences real quick before I head home.
Big B has seen the kids each Saturday for 4 hours each time. This past Saturday, he took Mr. Man to the liquor store to stock up on Vodka.
On Thursday evening, I received 2 disconnect notices. Big B said I made it up to get money from him, even though he didn’t pay the bills after telling me he did and he saw them, I made sure of that. Furthermore, I am still paying for the cell phones, where the kids can reach him, and he accuses me of this. Unreal.
In addition, work has been very stressful. Basically, life has been overwhelming from A-Z.
The first weekend, Little Miss was Little Miss Attitude. She is getting better, but she still has a lot of anger in there. Luckily, her friend and school counselor has had a few chats with her to giver her a new perspective. Mr. Man is finding his own dash of attitude these days.
I have to ask them repeatedly to do simple things. It has gotten so out of hand, I am sick of hearing myself speak. It is unbelievable.
Last night we discussed consequences. I am going to type up check lists, chore charts, and a list of consequences real quick before I head home.
Big B has seen the kids each Saturday for 4 hours each time. This past Saturday, he took Mr. Man to the liquor store to stock up on Vodka.
On Thursday evening, I received 2 disconnect notices. Big B said I made it up to get money from him, even though he didn’t pay the bills after telling me he did and he saw them, I made sure of that. Furthermore, I am still paying for the cell phones, where the kids can reach him, and he accuses me of this. Unreal.
In addition, work has been very stressful. Basically, life has been overwhelming from A-Z.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Last night, was one of the hardest nights of being a mom.
Of course, it was hard for me as well. But the focus is on the role of helping my kids through this.
Big B left. Yep. It was the first after all. He had six weeks, notice, and he still does not have any place to go. Turns out—HE. DIDN’T. EVEN. LOOK.
About two weeks ago, he brought home apartment guides, apparently he just read them. No calls, no apartment visits. Nada.
So, after he left Little Miss cried. We finished laundry had cookies and sherbet for dinner and rented a movie. That seemed to help. They both fell asleep watching Mel figure out what women really want.
This morning, there was out typical rushing about, but no more stress than normal, so we’ll see how this afternoon/evening go.
I cannot even get the words out to explain some of the meanness or ways Big B has set up to flitter out of the kids lives. I, of course, pray this doesn’t happen but he is not putting out good vibes. He is mad Mr. Man told him, he doesn’t want him to come home unless he stops drinking.
I told him today via text, “when you decides he wants to find out what it will take for this family to work, let me know.” Apparently, he is still not ready to talk. It has been six weeks not once did he ask, why? Or how to stay. Seriously. I cannot believe the heartlessness of this man I not only married, but reproduced with.
Once, about 10 years ago or so, I asked him what would push him to shut me out of his life like he had so many friends/family. I guess I have my answer, since he is not even talking to me these days.
Que sera sera
Of course, it was hard for me as well. But the focus is on the role of helping my kids through this.
Big B left. Yep. It was the first after all. He had six weeks, notice, and he still does not have any place to go. Turns out—HE. DIDN’T. EVEN. LOOK.
About two weeks ago, he brought home apartment guides, apparently he just read them. No calls, no apartment visits. Nada.
So, after he left Little Miss cried. We finished laundry had cookies and sherbet for dinner and rented a movie. That seemed to help. They both fell asleep watching Mel figure out what women really want.
This morning, there was out typical rushing about, but no more stress than normal, so we’ll see how this afternoon/evening go.
I cannot even get the words out to explain some of the meanness or ways Big B has set up to flitter out of the kids lives. I, of course, pray this doesn’t happen but he is not putting out good vibes. He is mad Mr. Man told him, he doesn’t want him to come home unless he stops drinking.
I told him today via text, “when you decides he wants to find out what it will take for this family to work, let me know.” Apparently, he is still not ready to talk. It has been six weeks not once did he ask, why? Or how to stay. Seriously. I cannot believe the heartlessness of this man I not only married, but reproduced with.
Once, about 10 years ago or so, I asked him what would push him to shut me out of his life like he had so many friends/family. I guess I have my answer, since he is not even talking to me these days.
Que sera sera
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